12 Nov Helping When A Heart Is Breaking.
It is unfortunately a rite of passage in life. Sometime, Somewhere, someone will break our hearts. It isn’t always about who is bad or right or wrong but its about learning, perspective, pain, understanding ,courage, loving, feeling and all the other emotional aspects of what it means to have your heart broken. It is one of the most hardest things to contemplate and mourn when a great love is no longer. Yet it is necessary to have in our journey in order to get to the next point we are meant to be at. Everyone serves a purpose and hopefully a good one. But if we weren’t meant to have lived it we wouldn’t have! So how do you be a good friend to someone who you know is going through a grieving process of a great love? It is hard to watch someone you care about hurt but at the same time know that it is part of her/his journey and its a matter of one day at a time and one step at a time. Give your friend space to grieve and space to vent. It is necessary for them to let the anger and frustration out and also the ocean of tears. It is raw and it hurts so allow them the time to do that. Do rush in and say things like ‘your worth more and you deserve better’. They probably know that so they don’t need to hear it again and again from friends, who do have the right intention, but it actually doesn’t help. They loved this person so its counterproductive saying that. The truth does hurt as they say. So that will just add to it as they are coming to terms with the realization and the loss. Don’t talk about the other person unless they want to. You want to have them in an environment where it is cheerful and about other aspects of life rather than asking about him/her and rehashing the past and the current event. Don’t talk negatively about the other person regardless of what the did and the situation. Remember your friend loved this person and they shared a bond and happy times. It will not make them feel better. It will hurt them.
Take your broken friend and show them the many wonderful things life has to offer. Remind them of the great things out there and get them to do more things they love. It could be an activity, a sport event, a night on the town, a show, a day trip and maybe just a good laugh over brunch one day. Suggest up and coming things going on they may want to go to. Give them a reason to get out there. Understand the emotional roller coaster and know there will be good days and bad ones. It is a matter of riding through it all and feeling all emotions. Be willing to listen without judgement and support them in this time. Saying nice things and making them realize they are better off and forcing them to date straight away wont help either. Its pushing them and getting them uncomfortable. They will be ready when they are ready. Allow them to mourn and take the time they need to heal. It is not on your watch but on theirs. You cant get by with a little help from your friends. Positive loving friends are so important in life. So be available and remind them of their worth, confidence and beauty. When we are wounded we forget these things in us so as friends remind them always they are loved, worth and special. Just because the other person didn’t see that or want to honor that anymore it doesn’t mean one should stop. Honor yourself, be kind to yourself and make yourself a number one priority. It is difficult when a relationship runs its course and dealing with the emotions is a hard process. Being there for your friends in the bad times are more important than the good times. That is when you see who is real and who isn’t. Remind them also that pain breaks you but it breaks you open. Open to new and exciting things. A blank canvas, a new picture. One that is filled with far more that we probably would imagine.